I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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