Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
