so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
