I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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