I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
