its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
