i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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