so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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