god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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