Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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