i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
