This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
