literally had 100 drinks last night.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
