Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
barbara walters just said penis...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
