Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
