You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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