I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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