im drinking this country out of the recession.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
