It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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