I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize