I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
