Kiss
Puke
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
