she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
