I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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