i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
