I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
