So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
