Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
