So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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