I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
