i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
