I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
