So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
