I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
