she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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