I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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