I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
