Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
