I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
