Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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