Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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