I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
