Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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