and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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