i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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