fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
