That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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