we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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