Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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