we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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