conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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