I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
