fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
