my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
