My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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