Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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