Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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