hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
