Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
