i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
