I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
