dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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