i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
