So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize