Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
