Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
