you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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